This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
