Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
