yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
