There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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