i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
