you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
