the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
