Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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