barbara walters just said penis...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
