Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
