sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
