you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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