ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
