around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
