I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Hippo gnu deer
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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