I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You pole danced in your parka.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
