O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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