my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
