She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
