so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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