I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
