Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
