I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
