I am spending my child support on dildos
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
