hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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