i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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