well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There's always time for handjobs
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
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I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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