he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
