His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
