So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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