i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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