everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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