I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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