its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?