It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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