OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
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She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
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I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.