why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
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We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
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I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.