okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
