SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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