Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?

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(952): View more from Minnesota

I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(847): View more from Illinois

There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid

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(513): View more from Ohio

He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.

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(613): View more from Ontario

I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.

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