We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
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he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
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Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?