i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
