Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
