barbara walters just said penis...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
