if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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