it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I believe in your delicious
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
