You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
