I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
