I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
