Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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