when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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