He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
