I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
