Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
