she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
