I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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