And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
