Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
