No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
