Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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