I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
