Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
