I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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