U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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