He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
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Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
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He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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