I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
