My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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