would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
