home. puking in laundry basket.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
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I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
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are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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