No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
