hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
