I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
