He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
