I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
