upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
