my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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