White coat. Heels.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
