i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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