Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
