i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
