you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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